Description : Today just feels like a lifetime, i must have done a million boring things and the day just doesn't seem to end...... can you tell I'm grumpy!
Why is it when you wake up the thing you just don't want to think about is the first thing that pops into your mind, typical and then that sets you up in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Everything follows that mood... you get out of bed and stand on something and hurt your foot, bang your arm in the door and then trip on your way down the stairs. If you were in a good mood none on this would happen would it. No!
If you make it out of the house that one thing you don't want to think about is just all around you, everywhere you look.
Step back in the door and slam it shut, crack open the wine and the chocolates and bury your head in the American trash on TV, with your laptop propped on your knee so you can see how the rest of the ladies are coping with today.......
I am now 18 days late! I am now 432 hours late! I am now 25920 minutes late! I am now 1555200 second late!
Feels like a lifetime!
I have been wondering whether to test, but keep convincing myself its better not to, no matter how much i want to. I have done pretty well so far and haven't been too tempted or so i keep telling myself.
Today i wanted some me time, time to sit and do me things. I thought it was a good idea until me time things turned into checking my charts and googling pregnancy symptoms. I am now more tempted than ever. I have seen (probably imagined) a pattern in my temps of the past couple of months, which shows a rise in temps but only for a day or so. Does this mean i do ovulate after all?? My AF usually arrives 2 weeks, give a day or two, after this high temp..... Except this time!!!!!!
Does this mean.....am I.....could I be.......hmmmmm shall i test??? NO!
I’m telling myself..... You have been late in the past this isn’t any different to then, now stop over reacting and just get on with your day - I'm not really listening though, i keep wondering and thinking about it running through things like... I'm sure I'm not but if i was i would be 8 weeks already.
I should test and get it over with really, but... well don't tell anyone... I'm a little scared of the disappointment. I hate the fear factor of waiting for those lines, sitting there with the test facing the other way on the windowsill whilst you walk round the house for a few minutes that feel like hours thinking 'shall i look, i know its going to be a negative, so i may as well look' I never look at the test until I'm putting it in the bin, i have a quick look and then drop it in. I tell myself that i am tempting fate if i think its going to be positive and if i act as if I'm expecting a negative then it will be positive. I'm not crazy....honestly!!!
Another week until I can test anyway, I don't test when i have to go to work or I would be the work colleague from hell that day!
