Description : Today just feels like a lifetime, i must have done a million boring things and the day just doesn't seem to end...... can you tell I'm grumpy!
Why is it when you wake up the thing you just don't want to think about is the first thing that pops into your mind, typical and then that sets you up in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Everything follows that mood... you get out of bed and stand on something and hurt your foot, bang your arm in the door and then trip on your way down the stairs. If you were in a good mood none on this would happen would it. No!
If you make it out of the house that one thing you don't want to think about is just all around you, everywhere you look.
Step back in the door and slam it shut, crack open the wine and the chocolates and bury your head in the American trash on TV, with your laptop propped on your knee so you can see how the rest of the ladies are coping with today.......
Seems like a lifetime ago when me and dp finally sat down and decided that we would ttc, it’s actually only 10 months, which to some people if a lifetimes and others a small window in a long story.
As times goes on things crop up and confuse me even more, I wonder why but I suppose its all part of the course to see whether I an strong enough to bring another life into this world.
Maybe we should think about it as a judging panel…
Judge 1 – the easy one, miss a pill and here you go
Judge 2 – makes you work for it, makes it a longer process.
Judge 3 – won’t pass you at all
At the moment I am stuck with judge 2 and suppose I should be lucky I’m not, or at least I hope I’m not with judge number 3.
When I first decided to some off the pill, from the first month everything went to so, apart from the fact I wasn’t pregnant.
I had a 35 day cycle, which arrived almost to the hour. No pain arrived and left pretty quickly.
After a few months judge 2, must have thought I was taking this to well, and decided to make things a little harder, make me late to get my hopes up and then let me down with a bfn and then a 2 week late af. As you do I got back up dusted myself off and went on with the battle. I was prepared to be late the following month.
Judge 2 obviously didn’t like that at all, so pushed the boundaries a little further and decided to give me a little spotting mid cycle as well as making me late again.
I reacted to this by stressing and wondering. I was confused, but also hoped this was implantation???
Unfortunately, I think I just upset judge 2 a bit more by getting hope from the challenge he had set.
He was back with vengeance this month…
Af arrives with some pain and left after a few days, back on course with a view to succeed some more bleeding and some more pain, after freaking out yet again I dusted myself off and got back to it only to be hit with more bleeding this time even worse!
I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take……. I’m waiting now to see whether I am going to be late, I’m sure I will be.
All I can hope with my hand on my heart is that, he doesn’t get angry and pass me on to judge number 3.
