I love to read since I was young till now. Problem is that I choose to read only what I am interested in,not all types. I know that is why I miss the right meaning sometimes because I don't open for all but only what I am interested in. When I read more, I understand more and know more and start to read people, my interest is not all books anymore.

Worse is that sometimes I get it right and sometimes I get it wrong. Many times I myself can't understand people. The more I read people and try to understand and analyze people's behavior, I get upset because people now is just "fake" But surely some are "Nice" & "Dedicate" & "Real" & and "Happy with what they have".

But anyway this is life, as I said all the time.. once you know, you are prepared. But my case, I think too much and I think I know too much, though sometimes what I know is not true... so I have to keep reading to get more to the truth. It hurts.. you know! But I have never thought of give it up. Why? I am too coward to know that something wrong will happen to me and I don't know how to deal with it and I could get so upset and ... I am afriad I would forget everything at the end. Many times, when I get upset and hurt at a very very bad level, I couldn't remember anything. I got lost and .... couldn't remember thing or people. It is not a real memory lost, but I keep myselt behind the wall, block my own self from others.. it is scary I tell you. I was like that before! It is not only shock, but I block too; block myself from others !!!

Last night I was working till midnight, there were 2 SMS... you will not believe, ...P sent me SMS !!! He dropped his cellphone in water and he said sorry that he didn't get to talk to me on my Bday... he was sorry about it....................................... I still miss him so much no doubt, I sent back SMS and thank you that he gets back.

Even I am so busy, I put him as my first priority! I call him and talk to him any times I want if I can get him on phone. We talked and we laughed together... But, obviously now .....it is far less talk and laugh like before. I couldn't sleep last night... keep thinking, why he come back??? I know I want him come back, but....... it is not like this !

We talked and laughed and thought of each other for some months and ....P disappeared ... and again coming back saying sorry I did't forget your B-day, but my cellphone dropped in water so I couldn't get to talk to you..........

You know what I think, if P works he dedicates, when he enjoys life he jumps on it. I don't think P is there surrounded my his close friends, and I dont' think he goes out every night to club or to join the racing gang. It is not possible for P that disappeared from me because he lost his phone, ...I called but no answer many times...many times...many times
He disappears from me for... 2 months already... I just don't want to accept !

Only reason that could keep him disappear from me is that... he has someone to talk to and to laugh with... who could make him forget me. Someone who is now his toplist, who he now cares for.... I think he gets back to me..because he thinks it is just too long time that he disappears and he knows I would be sad. P is nice and he doesn't want me to feel sad.."I feel very good that I get you back" though you get back just because you feel pity on me.... thank you anyway!...............

Remember he said to me before "if you trust me, you should not care who I eat with".........I remember and still remember until today. That is why I say to myself, when he has enough he would get back... But..when?? Yes... when P knows and really understands how I feel on him.I don't know what to do, ... my thought hurts me always

Whoever he enjoys life with, ... wish she is good to him and make him happy. Be good girl, be good boy, be good to each other.