Description : Let me re-say something about myself, I make this blog just to remember myself of the feeling I have on one boy, there is no binding, not due when it is gonna end, but i would keep writing here about how and how much I feel for him....
I am the first child of the family, big girl with intention to make good and do good for my family.
I love to write as it make me feel better after I could releasing what is inside my brain and my thought and my heart...
Purchasing plan, advertisement for the exhibitions artwork, and some instructions!! Instruction again?? Yes, because the instruction manager has gone on vacation. But frankly I believe people here trust in my quality than the instruction manager's why I think so?? because whether he stays or is out of office, nothing happen, no movement.. nobody talks to each other!! BUT if I disappear, there would be many problems and finally "OK, let's do it when you get back !!" Dam mm !! Instruction is not my job, you pay me for managing purchasing, you know that !!!!!!!! Anyway, at the end, it is my weakpoint to accept doing many thing, so .. if I can do and even can do fast and good job, it is UNREASONABLE to other people if I refuse to do the job WHICH IS NOT MINE! And to me, if I can do and do it fast, ... I do it ! Jerk as ever!
Anyway, I would be OK to stick to and mess my life now with work because it helps me not to lose control asking myself why a boy I ... miss so much disappears from me. To other people I am tough and smart and even serious type, but inside it is my private life. When I feel I like someone, I am happy to feel so. I have never tried to stay quiet and let the one who feel on me understand himself that I don't want him anymore because I don't take all good boys as my rewards; call them special persons and at the end knowing nothing about them because they are not right guy. If I like someone, we get together. If it is not, it is true for us and we end it. I don't say we go back and be friend, because I have never upgraded "friend" to be "Boyfriend".
Whatever, people are different I know that. Sometimes when I know someone, there might be some part I don't know in him and still can't read it. But I always try my best to make it clear, because I know how people feel when something unclear happens to their life, I faced it before. I just need a clear understanding of what I am thinking.
P said to me "if you don't hear from me it does not mean I don't think of you", " you can call me any time, it is not annoying to me", " I miss you"...... BUT he disppears from me!!; no SMS, no Email, I called, but no answer, and even .. no call back! I don't know where he is, if he is healthy, sad or tired, not sure if he still works at the same office, how's his life, ...
If you know that someone wants you and would never even think to hurt you... would you still keep quiet?? If you don't want anybody, especially don't want anybody to continue his life waiting and thinking of you anymore, don't you want to make it clear??? I don't understand, never be able to understand !!!
If I keep thinking to myself, P is enjoying his life, and when he has enough, he would get back. I sent him SMS saying I lost the Key...but when checking more carefully ... I always hold the key, it is still with me, just he comes back..
But sometime, action is more clear than words... I could not help thinking that he wants to leave me and just too nice to say "goodbye", and this really hurts me. I know I don't want to know that but at least "it is me"!! I wish he is strong enough to face the truth and be able to tell me he needs his pieces heart back...
