wretched day but seem to feel ok this morning. Weigh 13st 11.5 and would be happy to lose just 1lb a week if i could. Long to get back into all my lovely jeans, some I'd even forgotten I had. The day I can look in the mirror and see the me I want to see then I'll be happy.
not my favourite number at the moment, with the scales still at 13st13. Even knowing overweight women are an increased cancer risk doesn't seem to register, but as with every day tomorrow is another day and a chance to begin again.
at 13st 13 and you can't begin to comprehend the embarrassment and disgust I feel. Having said that there must be a million other women who feel like this but in my head I'm the only one who is fair fat forty1 and repulsive and has more spare tyres than a garage (joking belies the misery).
However some of the patients and some relatives were trying to guess my age and they all had me twenty to twenty three years younger than I actually am, and they all guessed independantly of one another.
to weigh myself today but am curious what the scales will say tomorrow. I vary from feeling totally disgusted with myself and my appearnace to waking up and thinking I can do this and giving myself a kick up the proverbial. I read that diet and health wise that cancer feeds on sugar so where sugar creeps into my diet I try to avoid it at all costs.....after all prevention is better than cure.
13st 12, I'd run out of green tea and now I'm convinced it keeps weight down. Stop drinking it the weight goes up, start drinking it the weight goes down gradually. Coincidence or placebo effect, I don't know but I'm carrying on including it as part of a healthy diet.
myself this morning which is either a sign of failing memory or a Freudian slip anyway, I can't recommend green tea highly enough and have had a few good days this week, mood wise, drinking it.
My guillty pleasure and salvation are BOLLYWOOD movies and if you need cheering up take a look at my photo albums on facebook and here for some gorgeous eye candy bollywood men!
outweigh the horrible taste. I find it best to let it go lukewarm then drink it down in one go. I recommend a double green tea if you're having trouble going to the loo but also if your feeling low it does give you a boost and you feel in a better mood. I drank three double green teas yesterday and had no low mood at all.
This morning the scales say 13st 9 and every time I think I want to eat something unhealthy I think immediately why I want to lose weight and focus on some goals and the confidence I'll get back when I can walk out without wearing a coat and hiding the body I'm ashamed of.
I've decided to make GREEN TEA my drink of choice and limit the decaff and hot chocolate to 1 cup each a day. I still weigh 13 st 9 but yesterday I was 13st 11 and 3/4 so hopefully the thing about GREEN TEA speeding up metabolism and making you burn fat is true? The hormonal highs and lows are getting rather boring and tiresome now, (like having inner demons that you can't control), so someone told me to treat them as the enemy and fight the little b*ggers, so that is what I'm going to do......use mind of matter to stop the moods caused by the hormonal ups and downs and stop the downward spiral into depression and despair.
I've found putting the earphones in and listening to some music with a sleepmask on a really good way of relaxing. Four tracks in particular that help are from a brilliant film called JODHAA AKBAR, shortly to be released on dvd. I really recommend these tracks to chill out to and when you know what context they are taken from in the film you will definately derive more benefit from them. Give them a try, if your not used to songs from Hindi films listen to them a few times and you hear how beautiful they are.
on the scales still weigh 13st 9 but feel fine. Just goes to show how fluctuations in hormone levels can affect your mood and attitude to how you see yourself and how you feel about yourself. Last week I was so low I could have walked away from it all, today my mood is fine and I've no food cravings whatsoever.
I'm convinced a lot of women are diagnosed with depression and prescribed medication they probably don't need when in fact they're feeling how they feel because of wild fluctuation in hormone levels and this hasn't been looked into properly before they're handed a prescription. I speak from personal experience.
at a picture I took of myself on my mobile whilst walking family dog in the park. I have never looked so un feminine or repulsive in all my life and it was a big motivation to kick myself up the proverbial. Haven't weighed myself since last blog entry so watch this space tomorrow.....
ps if you're feeling low and need a really romantic film to console yourself with I seriously recommend a film called Parineeta (full film can be viewed in clips on youtube with subtitles, type in hui mein parineeta for a taster.).
I still weigh 13st 9. Had an awful migraine last night and was terribly sick in a bucket. This has happened before and seems to come on for no reason that I think of. Anyway I'm working all weekend so won't have time to have a headache. Have a really good weekend everyone x.x..x
...this morning and I'm 13st 9, lost 2lbs since yesterday, which i should be thankful for, BUT I really want the figures to be the other way round.
I live with an outwardly fine upstanding teenager who within the four walls of the home is rude abusive selfish and ungrateful and makes me feel like I'm the victim of a playground bully.
True he didn't ask to be brought into the world but from day one I gave up everything and have devoted every day of his life to bringing him up and making sure he becomes a worthwhile human being who is loved and wanted and gives back as much as he is given.
Unfortunately somewhere along the way he seems to have forgot the respect I've taught him for everyone else. I've been assaulted, swore at and made to feel like I'm nothing more than a piece of faeces. I'm strict but his abuse knows no bounds.
If people in the outside world knew how he treated me they'd be appalled but no one is interested in helping and at the end of the day it will all come back to the fact that I'm a single mother and it's all my fault for not having a male role model in the home.
Ialways hoped that I could find someone who would love us both but I decided to set an example and not be one of those women who had a succession of men trawling in and out of her life. And the sparse trickle of men that I have met (you wouldn't need half the fingers on one hand to count) have been there have proved to be untrustworthy so I gave up and went into my shell (which is where I am now).
Don't feel sorry for me because in the great scheme of things I'm just one person going through the same rubbish on just another day.
13st 11 which is the same as yesterday. Today I feel I could go all day without eating but yesterday my thoughts were constantly interrupted by the thought "what can I eat next". Fluctations in blood sugar and hormone levels are a dangerous combination when you're constantly trying to lose weight.
