"There's someone out there for everyone, you'll meet someone one day..." or the even more pityful version, "...don't give up hope Sandra lots of men would love to have someone like you..." OH YES? WELL WHERE THE BL**DY H*LL ARE ALL THESE MEN THAT ARE FALLING OVER THEMSELVES FOR ME THEN???"
I wasn't well on Friday and had the worst SPLITTING headache I'd had in years and spent the whole evening in darkness, feeling tragically lonely, not even being able to stand the light from the tv. My mobile phone rang with a picture message of a sunset from the balcony of an apartment saying "Wish you were here?" and it was from a chap I knew when we worked abroard in 1990/1.
Over the years we've kept in touch (had flowers on birthday and valentines occasionaly) and although NOTHING ever happened & it was totally platonic(I think), he'll still call or text out of the blue, 18 years later. I thought he was in Bahrain( where we met) so I txt'd him back saying "Don't tell me you're in Bahrain and you went without me?!!!" So he txt'd back "No in Spain....would not go without you".
We'd both love to go back because it was such an amazing time so I've said if I'm successful with my application to Deal or No Deal and I win a substantial amount of money we'll go back to Bahrain, and at the end of the show I'll ask if I can say something to someone down the camera and the code will be, "Pack your bags we're going back!"....and that's all I'm going to say. OF COURSE it will probably never happen but HE txt'd back saying"...the same goes for me"
I cope with this sort of "friendship/relationship" because it's at a distance and I can't be dumped on or someone can't hurt my feelings. I trusted a chap last year and dropped my guard because even I thought I was being Miss Picky 'n' Choosy and exactly what I always predict will happen - happened and the day after we'd spent a week together he dumped me in a one line "...it's not you it's me ..." email. I was a wreck and it took me ages to get over being used. I now REFUSE to be treated like that again and I wish I'd stuck to my 16 year principal of "the next man that wants me to compromise myself can marry me first because if I'm good enough to compromise I'm d*mn well good enough to marry" SO THERE! No one's waiting for me so I just keep myself to myself and spend my evenings losing myself in Bollywood movies! (God that sounds so tragically pathetic).
So if a 41 year old 5"3 blonde hair blue/green eyed slightly mad womanappearson Deal or No Deal and stares down the camera, saying "Pack your bags we're going back!", that will be me!
Write back and let me know how things are going, I'm a really good listening ear, but rubbish at sorting my own life out!
Message to a sofeminine friend.... this was the email I couldn't send you because it was too long to send as a message.
I wrote you a long reply last night clicked "send" and the "internet explorer cannot display this page...."came up and I lost the lot! I was so mad because it was such a long one!Not that I'm qualified to give you advice but I'll give it a go if that's ok and just take from it as little or as much as you want to.About you new man, perhaps ask yourself these questions and then give yourself honest answers.
1. On a daily basis do you feel you're trying to make it work more than he is and resenting him because he's not putting as much in as you? And is that resentment building up to a point it's beginning to annoy you?,,,,2. Has he ever said or done anything that has made you think to yourself, "God I don't like him as much as I thought I did after that?",,,,,3. Have your children ever made any negative or derogatory comments about him?,,,, 4. Do you trust him 110% on absolutely everything and if not have you talked to him about your doubts?,,,,,5. Can you see yourself being with him in 6 months, 12 months or 18 months and beyond?
At work I get the same thing all the time about my woefully inadequate personal life. It's the same questions all the time and I just give the same replies now because people ask me so often.
Q1. Is there a man on the scene Sandra? A1. No besides a couple of bad hiccups and there hasn't been since my son was born in 1991, there isn't a man on this planet you can trust.
Q2. Have you met anyone yet Sandra? A1. What to you think (roll eyes to heaven and walk off at being asked the same question again for the tenth time that day)!
Q3. Isn't anyone you like Sandra? A3. Yes but they wouldn't take a second look at me at this weight (puff cheeks out to show fat face)
Then it decends into pity...... part two in next blog entry.....
