myself. The scales say 13st 13.5lbs today, so back to the green tea at least five times a day. I had savoury cravings again yesterday which were out of control and last night I had two sandwiches made out of four slices of crusts away (45 cal a slice) with cucumber, lite mayonnaise & butter on each, with a packet of Seabrooks salt & vinegar crisps. How gross & replusive is that; I'm totally ashamed. Get your act together (that's me talking to myself and kicking myself in the shins).
up, weighed 13st 11 this morning but I had a day yesterday where cravings for savoury food took over and I ate all the wrong things. Not a lot else to say except I'm sure the scales will read worse tomorrow, feeling fat and I am.
weigh 13st 9 so 1lb heavier than when I went away & considering all the walking ( miles and miles of it) I did the scales have gone in the wrong direction. I had poached egg on a slice of wholemeal every morning, a wholemeal salad sandwich for lunch & a prawn salad for dinner every night so why the gain? Had to buy some size 18 jeans and trousers and xl tops which was actually quite distressing but I have to continue to try, even though I will probably have days when I want to give up. At this weight I can't see a happy future but if I lose weight I know I have a chance of being happy again.
..this morning I weigh 13st 8, so I've lost 3 lbs overnight. The wierd thing is I knew even before I got on the scales. It's amazing what a small sudden loss can do to give me a boost, so I'm going to run with it and use it as extra incentive to be healthy whilst I'm away over the long weekend. See you on the North Shore....
...i've been in four years thanks to two slices of lemon drizzle cake I had last night on my fathers birthday. Today I'm 13st 11 and I look like that miserable middle aged woman even more. Somethings got to be down and now I'm not gripped by time of the month depression I can think clearly and seize the determination to kick myself up the proverbial and lose weight.. WATCH THIS SPACE.....I believe in God so if I succeed it WILL be a miracle.....when I say God help me I REALLY mean it.
...different day, still weigh13st 10. Got late time of the month (peri menopausal nuisance) and period pains and feel like the goodyear blimp. Gave into sugar cravings today then realised I'd forgotten all about the Silver slimming pills I'd bought and not taken them for three days. Totally disgusted I've had to buy a pair of size 18 jeans but if I hadn't everyone else's holiday would be msierable because I'd be miserable with nothing to wear that fits me. Wish I wasn't too old to re-join the forces and have someone knocking me into shape.
...13st 10 this morning and I look it too. I was down to 10st 13 three years ago so the figures have reversed. I look like a frumpy middle aged woman I always dreaded turning into to and there's only one person it's down to to make changes and thats me. I'd like to blame it on peri-menupausal weight gain but that would be too easy. Perhaps if I treat fat like my worst enemy I'll start fighting it more and eventually I'll be back to how I want to be. A happy 12-14 not a miserable 18-20.
...of the month and I feel wretched. Can barely bring myself to speak in sentances of more than one word and this morning weigh 13st 8. That's all for today....
...my blog yesterday I had a suddenly low day & by late evening I could barely raise a smile. I can only put it down to peri-menopausal hormones because it the low mood came on so quickly. I don't like being consumed by negativity because it feels like anything you try to think or do to get out of it is a pointless exercise because the negativity has taken you over mentally and physically. I weighed myself this morning and I'm 13st 7 & 1/4 down 3/4 of a pound from yesterday. If the XL tops I ordered from an Indian clothing website fit me at least Iknow ican go away and not feel self conscious about horrible back fat.
...the herbal diet pills for three days and weigh 13st 8 this morning. The thing I noticed about them is that I haven't felt hungry on them at all. One of the ingredients is "chromium" which regulates blood sugar level, so this stops you having highs and lows and developing cravings. Perhaps it could be pyschological in that I want them to work, so they are, but I will be taking the whole 28 day course (cost just under £16 incl. p & p) because it has stopped me wanting to eat anything other than 3 meals a day. I've been having -
2 weetabix with skimmed milk for breakfast
fruit salad for lunch
tuna salad for dinner
I haven't wanted to eat anything else and haven't craved anything in between meals and I haven't noticed any side effects so far but out of curiosity I'm taking the whole course. I'm still waiting for pre time of the month cravings to kick in and ruin everything but so far haven't craved anything else be it sweet or savoury. Who knows if will continue to work or I'lll fall at the next hurdle.
...and did something i vowed I'd never do, I bought some herbal tablets called Silver in a vain attempt to lose some pre-holiday weight. So before taking the first one this morning I weighed 13 st 9, then had weetabix for breakfast and slimfast for lunch because it's the easiest thing to have whilst rushing to be ready for work. So I wonder how much I'll have lost when I next make a blog entry on monday morning? I'd be lucky if it's 1/2lb.
..but I won't. There's a saying.......IF YOU DON'T HAVE HOPE YOU HAVE NOTHING. So I'm going to try to remain hopeful I get back the body I had a while back! WEIGH 13st 9 this morning up 1 on yesterday. I think I'll blame the forthcoming time of the month because I definately stuck to a firm regime yesterday.
..weight 13st 8 this morning,loss of 2lbs from yesterday. Started today with a detox drink and keep trying to think how miserable I will be when I go away if I don't lose anymore weight. I keep trying to remind myself I'm still a nice person even if I am overweight because even though I don't eqaute other peoples weight problems with being nice, I always think other people will look at me and judge me as a person by how fat or how slim I am. It WILL be a good day today.
I'm 13 st 10 and I feel it too. When I was doing the charity walk for Breast Cancer at the weekend I caught sight of myself in the reflection of a large pane of mirrored glass and was instantly disgusted by the heffer I saw staring back at me. I've turned into what I dreaded at 18, FAIR FAT AND FORTY(one) and I despise myself for it.
So take heart that someone is struggling as well as you are and is about to embark on yet another detox to kickstart a pre-holiday weight loss again.
... a 10k charity walk last night then come home and eat half a packet of chocolate chip cookies, will I never learn and where did my self control go? I can't even weigh myself to see the damage on the scales so today I'm having a frugal day food wise.
I had a SLIMFAST for breakfast and a DECAFF WITH SKIMMED MILK mid-morning and I think it will have to be SLIMFAST for lunch too. Two weeks until I go away and literally nothing but a pair of black elasticated waist pants to wear. I could give in and think "what the heck what's the point" but then I know I'll regret it if I don't watch what I eat. I 've never drank alcohol so that's not a problem calories and diet wise so I 'll just have to exercise ultimate self control and keep going. It's the only way.
"There's someone out there for everyone, you'll meet someone one day..." or the even more pityful version, "...don't give up hope Sandra lots of men would love to have someone like you..." OH YES? WELL WHERE THE BL**DY H*LL ARE ALL THESE MEN THAT ARE FALLING OVER THEMSELVES FOR ME THEN???"
I wasn't well on Friday and had the worst SPLITTING headache I'd had in years and spent the whole evening in darkness, feeling tragically lonely, not even being able to stand the light from the tv. My mobile phone rang with a picture message of a sunset from the balcony of an apartment saying "Wish you were here?" and it was from a chap I knew when we worked abroard in 1990/1.
Over the years we've kept in touch (had flowers on birthday and valentines occasionaly) and although NOTHING ever happened & it was totally platonic(I think), he'll still call or text out of the blue, 18 years later. I thought he was in Bahrain( where we met) so I txt'd him back saying "Don't tell me you're in Bahrain and you went without me?!!!" So he txt'd back "No in Spain....would not go without you".
We'd both love to go back because it was such an amazing time so I've said if I'm successful with my application to Deal or No Deal and I win a substantial amount of money we'll go back to Bahrain, and at the end of the show I'll ask if I can say something to someone down the camera and the code will be, "Pack your bags we're going back!"....and that's all I'm going to say. OF COURSE it will probably never happen but HE txt'd back saying"...the same goes for me"
I cope with this sort of "friendship/relationship" because it's at a distance and I can't be dumped on or someone can't hurt my feelings. I trusted a chap last year and dropped my guard because even I thought I was being Miss Picky 'n' Choosy and exactly what I always predict will happen - happened and the day after we'd spent a week together he dumped me in a one line "...it's not you it's me ..." email. I was a wreck and it took me ages to get over being used. I now REFUSE to be treated like that again and I wish I'd stuck to my 16 year principal of "the next man that wants me to compromise myself can marry me first because if I'm good enough to compromise I'm d*mn well good enough to marry" SO THERE! No one's waiting for me so I just keep myself to myself and spend my evenings losing myself in Bollywood movies! (God that sounds so tragically pathetic).
So if a 41 year old 5"3 blonde hair blue/green eyed slightly mad womanappearson Deal or No Deal and stares down the camera, saying "Pack your bags we're going back!", that will be me!
Write back and let me know how things are going, I'm a really good listening ear, but rubbish at sorting my own life out!
Message to a sofeminine friend.... this was the email I couldn't send you because it was too long to send as a message.
I wrote you a long reply last night clicked "send" and the "internet explorer cannot display this page...."came up and I lost the lot! I was so mad because it was such a long one!Not that I'm qualified to give you advice but I'll give it a go if that's ok and just take from it as little or as much as you want to.About you new man, perhaps ask yourself these questions and then give yourself honest answers.
1. On a daily basis do you feel you're trying to make it work more than he is and resenting him because he's not putting as much in as you? And is that resentment building up to a point it's beginning to annoy you?,,,,2. Has he ever said or done anything that has made you think to yourself, "God I don't like him as much as I thought I did after that?",,,,,3. Have your children ever made any negative or derogatory comments about him?,,,, 4. Do you trust him 110% on absolutely everything and if not have you talked to him about your doubts?,,,,,5. Can you see yourself being with him in 6 months, 12 months or 18 months and beyond?
At work I get the same thing all the time about my woefully inadequate personal life. It's the same questions all the time and I just give the same replies now because people ask me so often.
Q1. Is there a man on the scene Sandra? A1. No besides a couple of bad hiccups and there hasn't been since my son was born in 1991, there isn't a man on this planet you can trust.
Q2. Have you met anyone yet Sandra? A1. What to you think (roll eyes to heaven and walk off at being asked the same question again for the tenth time that day)!
Q3. Isn't anyone you like Sandra? A3. Yes but they wouldn't take a second look at me at this weight (puff cheeks out to show fat face)
Then it decends into pity...... part two in next blog entry.....
.....couple of days diet wise and I still haven't got my scales back. I haven't felt self conscious or worried about what I've eaten but I know these little episodes don't last long and I'll soon be back to beating myself up about everything that passes my lips and the shape of my body and my image of myself. I'm more worried about other things at the moment so perhaps these worries are a blessing in disguise because it's taken my mind off all things food and diet.
