I am on a blocking period here. Funny, it is a blocking period for my entrepeneurship spirit though it has added more spice into my blogging. The brain is a teaser, don't you think? These last days, I have separated all my friendships into special tags. I thought I had plenty of friends, close I thought. Maybe they are, who knows...I am not a very fonded person either, so if nobody looks for me is result of me neglecting them, do I make myself clear? Anyways, I just got this 2 friends that have helped me a lot on these hard times. So, you bet I will reward them as I go back on track and start making money again. These boys do deserve a reservation in a nice restaurant! What is my plan now? I am still confused, but will do what I need to do and try to focus on many things, one at a time. I will go with grandma downtown to check some stoves to start some little business, cuz my associate can't give enough time for our thing and I need money NOW!
She is afraid to meet a good guy and need to confess she is a SAA She used to dream she was an orphan when she was young She got these strange dreams and nightmares that sometimes come true
She took some make up classes to disguise her sorrow She always wears those funky sunglasses so nobody could see her crying when driving when pain comes, she drinks anything to numb her senses
She prays the seven step prayer and reads a Bible passage just to start the day
She keeps a red bag full of stones and coins in her wallet She wears a rosary ring on her wedding finger She always bathes in rose water every morning so luck is on her side She is not sure if all her will has turn to the Holy Power and doesn't know how
She avoids lovers now The old ones are anonymous now They mean trash to her now Once gone they're dead for her
I have been quiet on the last month. No sex. No dating. Well, yes once or twice with the guitar anti hero. I am not interested in him and always, at the end of the date, I leave clear that he is not helping me in my recovery. Recovery of what? My addiction to men, sex and love. I don't know if I will ever be cured of this addiction but at least I know now that I don't want to be another guy's rug anymore. I am not willing to be treated as the other one or the second option. No more. I rather stay home and enjoy a good movie with grandma than wasting my time and money cruising for the next affair. It doesn't matter anymore, if the guy is cute, that is poison, and I don't want the bitter taste it will remain in me.
I miss you Heiko... But I miss a lor of men right? Christian, Dennnys, Carlos, Oswaldo... Names change, faces do change too. Now I have trespassed new frontiers. I have kissed, felt and dreamed of forbidden territory. Who am I? A spinter? A brokenheart? Fuck me! A looser...
I met last Saturday, this photographer who is shooting all the pics for my sister-in-law's wedding. It was the civil wedding and I as an organizer had done nothing! Shame on me...Despite she is the best of the 3 sisters-in-law I have. He started taking pics of all the guests and I had brought in the hot sauces I make and sell. He wanted to buy one and that was the starting point of our conversation. He is cute and interesting...But alert! He has a girlfriend for 4 years already...Forbidden territory. At some point, my grandma sat down with us and he told her she was cute and no wonder her grand daughter was so beautiful....Damn! I stayed for the night cuz it is my godfather's beach house and he sat down on the table with my brother's new in-laws. I was telling him the story of the hot sauce and I said a german word and helas! We started talking in german....On the table we were just me and him....My brother's mother-in-law noticed this and even made a comment, she said, `ÒK, you are next to go...` (you can figure out what she meant...) He told me he was glad he finally met someone he could practice his german...I will meet him again this Saturday...church wedding...