20th May, (Yesterday) Of all the places to choose for a quiet drink we have to pick the one with my EX in. The once blue eyed heart throb now grey haired with eyes to match still living his life through the bottom of a glass. He comes up in conversastion sometimes throughout the family as past tense does & my man seems to have it in his head that i still hold a torch for the man who was suppossedly my one true love (well are'nt they all at the time!)
Seemed anyway he had his happy hat on & was only half way through a days drinking so his mood was mellow & he came over to chat, I guess as the drinks flowed & his words drooled out of his mouth my man could see he was no threat to his place in my heart. However i could feel myself getting quite hot under the collar as he continued to discuss the in's & out's of our life together as my man was quite happy to dig deeper like a detective eager to get to the bottom of my elusive past.
Drinks over & on our way home he could'nt stop with all the well why? & what? Men! who the hell do they think they are & why do i have to justify myself to him or anyone else what my feelings once were for another & why i let it go. In truth it was emotionally draining & i was always second place to the bottle. Now when i finally think i have found Mr Nice guy, Mr Right are these small cracks i see appearing & is he also capable of playing mind games or is this my own insecurities showing through. It's no wonder i eat myself happy.
May 15th Another hospital trip & somehow the scales had me down a couple of pounds so someone must have been watchin over me. Funny thing is although i don't feel any slimmer i can feel a difference in some of the clothes iv'e been wearing. My man bought me a lovely new skirt & some tops which made me feel good about myself for a change. Just a matter now of waitin for a date for the operation. More cysts are developing & because of the cancer in the family the ovary have got to go. I am just a bit concerned about that & the sort of change hormonally that it may have on me. Also May 15th was my grandson Archies first birthday love him. we have him & his three sisters here this weekend it's a madhouse but they are wonderful kiddies.
All company have returned to their own home & the youngest daughter is away on a weeks course with her place of work so just the two of us cozying up which is nice. Not so well myself various aches & pains throughout my body are getting me down especially these headaches & the numbness in my face. I went to hospital yesterday for an MRI scan the doctor wonders if i have a trapped nerve or may have had a mini stroke Eeek ! Don't even like the sound of that. Have stuck with the healthy eating but the weight don't go & that in its self is getting me down. I think i may aswell just accept this is who i am & the size i am. My man loves me my family loves me what more do i need. FEELING JUST A LITTLE CAGEY
Well his daughter arrived boyfriend in tow & after hugs & kisses allround & a quick chat they are now off doing their own thing with the younger girl (21 today) that lives with us. Leaving us old farts to do our own thing. The weather is glorious so have been making the most of it catching up with gardening chores & visiting with my side of the family. Eating wise i have been extremly good for me. Sticking mostly to salads & drinking plenty of water but sad to see i am only 2 pounds down since my last weigh in. It's so depressing & enough to make anyone turn to chocolate! On a sadder more worrying note my new baby grandson was taken to hospital as he could not keep his bottle feeds down, bless him he has had to have a little operation something to do with his stomach muscles not doing the right job. Happy to hear that he is all better now & should be allowed home today. Only a trivial thing it seems but it is a worry all the same.
So much for sticking with the healthy eating plan. We had one of those mornings when you lay late, miss breakfast then hang about for ages waiting for someone to decide what we are going to do. Finally nipped into town to get some containers for my toiltries & some sandals for the nicer weather & came home with neither. All the little baskets i had seen the other week were nowhere to be found. wll silly me that was another shop in a different town. As for Sandals i couldn't find anything for small wide feet anywhere. By then i was getting bored & my fella was hungry so we gave way to fish & chips, which i really did'nt enjoy & have made me so thirsty. Later today my fellas oldest daughter should be arriving for a weeks holiday. Greaaaat ! :(
