Description : Today just feels like a lifetime, i must have done a million boring things and the day just doesn't seem to end...... can you tell I'm grumpy!
Why is it when you wake up the thing you just don't want to think about is the first thing that pops into your mind, typical and then that sets you up in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Everything follows that mood... you get out of bed and stand on something and hurt your foot, bang your arm in the door and then trip on your way down the stairs. If you were in a good mood none on this would happen would it. No!
If you make it out of the house that one thing you don't want to think about is just all around you, everywhere you look.
Step back in the door and slam it shut, crack open the wine and the chocolates and bury your head in the American trash on TV, with your laptop propped on your knee so you can see how the rest of the ladies are coping with today.......
I have had a delightful 2 days... I spent Saturday evening with my nephew and he stayed the night so we had a little breakfast party this morning. After waving him off I then went to see two of my closest friends who both have toddlers and are both expecting within a few weeks of each other.
It was fab sitting there talking about the kids and the pregnancies, but a part of me was just crying inside, screaming get me out of here.
How is it possible to be so happy yet so sad. The green eyed monster made an appearance afterwards, I was moaning to my partner about the way they treat the kids, the way the kids eat, the way the still smoke whilst being pregnant....... If that’s was me.....If they were my children. What a cow I can be.
The questions follow shortly after... why not me.... what’s wrong with me..... It's just not fair!
Some people get things so easy and others never get what the long for, how does it work???
One thing I do hope and pray is that making me wait soooo long makes me truly appreciate the gift I will be given when I finally find out I'm pregnant and that I do everything I can to be a fantastic mum and not take for grated anything or anyone. Coping is going to very hard for me, but I will try to be the best mum I can be and give my little treasure everything they need and more.
Let’s just hope that’s all that’s happening.....I'm being made to wait and nothing more.
Step 1...Pee on the stick. (must be sure to hold it under urine stream for a heartbeat longer than recommended just to be sure).
Step 2...Stare at stick while you continue peeing. Feel heart jump when urine passes over the spot where the line would be and it hitches for a second, then gets a dark line...then keeps going, taking your dark line with it to the test window.
Step 3...Place on bathroom counter. Pretend not to stare at it. Let's try to give yourself busy work to keep from looking at it. In fact, your toilet now gets cleaned once per day.
Step 4...Tell yourself you are expecting a BFN. Then start to mist up when you see that it is, in fact, a BFN. Stare at the blank spot for a full minute before picking it up.
Step 5...First, go to window and check it under day light.
Step 5...Now, stand on toilet to be closer to light in ceiling. Check strip.
Step 6...Close one eye. Squint other eye.
Step 7...Turn on several lamps around house. Hold strip under lamp. Check strip.
Step 8...Hold strip OVER lamp. Check strip.
Step 9...Hold strip in front of lamp so light shines THROUGH strip, just in case.
Step 10...Pull stick apart. Hesitate for a heartbeat when you realize you are holding the still wet "wick" in one hand, then continue the destruction.
Step 11...Repeat Steps 5-9.
Step 12...Throw stick away.
Step 13...Pick stick back up out of trash.
Step 14...Repeat Steps 12 and 13 the rest of the day!
- the Big 'O' no longer refers to orgasm, but instead to ovulation
- you show everyone who will look at your bbt charts
- every twinge is a potential sign: ovulation pain OR perhaps implantation
- it no longer strikes you as the least bit odd to check out at the pharmacy with both HPTs and tampons in your cart.
- you schedule your social events around your ovulation day
- if your OPK comes up +, you cancel all social engagements that night so you can BD & lie with your legs elevated and butt up in the air afterwards
- you talk using mysterious acronymns that only your ttc buddies understand: ttc, BD, ewcm, bbt, opk, 2ww
- your morning motto is: "Don't talk to me until I've taken my temperature"
- you take your temperature more than once a day (committed TTCer)
- you refuse to finish decorating that 3rd bedroom in your new house, because you can't stand the thought of getting it just the way you want it only to have to tear it apart next month in order to make room for the nursery you'll be needing.
- you put off buying any fall/winter clothes, because you hope they won't fit by the time the weather gets cooler.
- you clip coupons for OPKs and HPTs
- your doctor says, "Now take these home and inject this needle into your stomach every day" and you don't even flinch.
- you spend more on OPKs, HPTs, and fertility supplements than you do on clothes
- the thought of nausea makes your heart skip a beat!
- you make a mental note of what day of your cycle it is before you say "ok" to a drink
- you get sick but make sure you can take the medicine in case you are pregnant...and would rather stay sick if you can't take the medicine..
- you finally look forward to mornings! Another opportunity to take and record your temp!
- you refer (and think) of your husband, not as his real name, but as the letters "DH" in real life
- you suffer silently from Infertility Vision (IV) - defined as the ability to see pink lines that nobody else can see. It's a very common condition among POASers during the days leading up to the official test day. Research is still being done, but at present there is no cure for it!
This is a collection of thoughts from women facing the emotional rollercoaster of infertility. Some of it may make you cry, some of it may make you smile. The important thing is to realize that you are not alone in your struggle. Infertility may be the most difficult time of your life spiritually, emotionally, financially, physically and mentally. If you are personally experiencing infertility (TTC longer than 12 months) and would like to be prayed for, please email me your prayer request. God bless you.
What Nobody Told You About Trying to Conceive...
That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy.
That your sex life would start to resemble a science experiment.
That you would see your OBGYN/RE more often than your DH at O time.
That the longer you TTC, the more PG women spring up around you.
That deep down inside, I can be a very jealous person.
That one day you wouldn't mind checking your CM or CP to see if it is your fertile period.
That I should have gone to medical school like my mom wanted, because I've had to do so much medical research by now just to figure out what was wrong with me, I might as well be an M.D.
That I would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors I go to.
That living your life in 2 week increments would be the norm
That you never knew how much you wanted to see those 2 pink lines......until only one shows up every month
That simply relaxing will NOT get you pregnant. (your dh has to do some work too)
That you have no control over some of the goals you set...
That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen, and staring at your chart doesn't make it change!
That one day my DH would know so much about how my uterus functions and what it looks like from the inside (thanks HSGs).
That a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby.
That miscarriage is so common.
That I would wish we had started TTC earlier.
That my friends' pregnancies would start to make me sad instead of happy.
That I wasted ALOT of money on Birth control pills!!
That it would help bring a group of wonderful, caring, funny, empathetic women together like this.
That I would EVER be willing to stick a little blue pill up my hoo-haa (estrace pill...done vaginally),
That it wouldn't happen the first time you didn't use birth control like we were led to believe in school.
That you wouldn't know how important a baby was to you until it took so long and you realized what you were willing to go through to make it happen.
That family would act like getting pregnant was a competition between all the young couples in the family, and the first one to get pg "wins".
That my DH is the most wonderful and caring man!
That it is insensitive to ask people when they are having a baby!
Tat women who do get pregnant are so very blessed!
That I could have been rich saving money on condoms, which were obviously unecessary.
That I would be happy to see abundant cervial fluid and tell my DH about it.
That other people's "good news" of pregnancy makes me sad and when they tell me they have good news, I hope that they just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico.
That medicine and procedures are not a sure fire way to get pregnant but it is a sure fire way to lose money fast.
That had I bought stock in Clearblue Easy I'd have my mansion on St. Pete's Beach in FL by now.
That docs should prescribe Zoloft with Clomid.
That having flo show up makes you cry, no matter who's bathroom you are in.
That it does not get easier, each cycle is harder than the last.
Today just feels like a lifetime, i must have done a million boring things and the day just doesn't seem to end...... can you tell I'm grumpy!
Why is it when you wake up the thing you just don't want to think about is the first thing that pops into your mind, typical and then that sets you up in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Everything follows that mood... you get out of bed and stand on something and hurt your foot, bang your arm in the door and then trip on your way down the stairs. If you were in a good mood none on this would happen would it. No!
If you make it out of the house that one thing you don't want to think about is just all around you, everywhere you look.
Step back in the door and slam it shut, crack open the wine and the chocolates and bury your head in the American trash on TV, with your laptop propped on your knee so you can see how the rest of the ladies are coping with today.
