My friend had a baby 5 days ago and has been texting me pictures of him since.

Well.....
I finally plucked up the courage to go and see him.
He is gorgeouse, sooooooo cute, looks just like his dad.
I was very emotional and mananged to keep it all in, showed just enough so they could see how happy i was for them, and didn't think any more into my tears.

A few people popped in whilst i was there and asked when we were going to have a baby.
Dp squirmed a little and told them we could really afford one right now, yeah we wish that was the reason.
They told me I should make him have a baby! lol

After I was in a bit of a stairy mood thinking about the baby and dp asked me why people always find the need to ask questions like that.
I think it was the first time anyone has asked us and directed it at him, I think most people think i want and he doesnt, he must put a better front on than me.

I think it had got to him a little yesterday, the first time he has been bothered by other people asking questions.

I hope it didnt get to him too much, I know how it feels and hope he isn't feeling like that.
Bless.

I am sooooo pleased for my friends.
Awwwww

Lets hope its me next

I am now 18 days late!
I am now 432 hours late!
I am now 25920 minutes late!
I am now 1555200 second late!

Feels like a lifetime!

I have been wondering whether to test, but keep convincing myself its better not to, no matter how much i want to.
I have done pretty well so far and haven't been too tempted or so i keep telling myself.

Today i wanted some me time, time to sit and do me things. I thought it was a good idea until me time things turned into checking my charts and googling pregnancy symptoms.
I am now more tempted than ever.
I have seen (probably imagined) a pattern in my temps of the past couple of months, which shows a rise in temps but only for a day or so.
Does this mean i do ovulate after all??
My AF usually arrives 2 weeks, give a day or two, after this high temp.....
Except this time!!!!!!

Does this mean.....am I.....could I be.......hmmmmm
shall i test???
NO!

I’m telling myself..... You have been late in the past this isn’t any different to then, now stop over reacting and just get on with your day - I'm not really listening though, i keep wondering and thinking about it running through things like...
I'm sure I'm not but if i was i would be 8 weeks already.

I should test and get it over with really, but... well don't tell anyone... I'm a little scared of the disappointment.
I hate the fear factor of waiting for those lines, sitting there with the test facing the other way on the windowsill whilst you walk round the house for a few minutes that feel like hours thinking 'shall i look, i know its going to be a negative, so i may as well look'
I never look at the test until I'm putting it in the bin, i have a quick look and then drop it in.
I tell myself that i am tempting fate if i think its going to be positive and if i act as if I'm expecting a negative then it will be positive.
I'm not crazy....honestly!!!

Another week until I can test anyway, I don't test when i have to go to work or I would be the work colleague from hell that day!

Wish me luck, I'l keep you updated!!!

Seems like a lifetime ago when me and dp finally sat down and decided that we would ttc, it’s actually only 10 months, which to some people if a lifetimes and others a small window in a long story.

As times goes on things crop up and confuse me even more, I wonder why but I suppose its all part of the course to see whether I an strong enough to bring another life into this world.

Maybe we should think about it as a judging panel…

Judge 1 – the easy one, miss a pill and here you go

Judge 2 – makes you work for it, makes it a longer process.

Judge 3 – won’t pass you at all

At the moment I am stuck with judge 2 and suppose I should be lucky I’m not, or at least I hope I’m not with judge number 3.

When I first decided to some off the pill, from the first month everything went to so, apart from the fact I wasn’t pregnant.

I had a 35 day cycle, which arrived almost to the hour. No pain arrived and left pretty quickly.

After a few months judge 2, must have thought I was taking this to well, and decided to make things a little harder, make me late to get my hopes up and then let me down with a bfn and then a 2 week late af. As you do I got back up dusted myself off and went on with the battle. I was prepared to be late the following month.

Judge 2 obviously didn’t like that at all, so pushed the boundaries a little further and decided to give me a little spotting mid cycle as well as making me late again.

I reacted to this by stressing and wondering. I was confused, but also hoped this was implantation???

Unfortunately, I think I just upset judge 2 a bit more by getting hope from the challenge he had set.

He was back with vengeance this month…

Af arrives with some pain and left after a few days, back on course with a view to succeed some more bleeding and some more pain, after freaking out yet again I dusted myself off and got back to it only to be hit with more bleeding this time even worse!

I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take……. I’m waiting now to see whether I am going to be late, I’m sure I will be.

All I can hope with my hand on my heart is that, he doesn’t get angry and pass me on to judge number 3.

I have been TTC for 10 months now; my whole way of thinking seems to have changed.

I eat healthier; it helps apparently.

I don’t drink as much; during those times I could be… I convince yourself I am and decide not to drink.

Don’t decorate; because I think that there is no point when I will have to do it all again for the nursery.

Don’t plan; hold back on the nights out or booking girlie holidays because I could be pregnant or ovulating.

Don’t change my job; because of the maternity entitlement.

Clothes shopping; changes because that won’t fit me for long, my nights out mite be cancelled if I’m pregnant or ovulating or that won’t cover/hide a bump.

I don’t get anything on finance because I worry what will happen when I’m on maternity, so the new sofa or new car can wait.

Spend less time shopping on the net, and more time goggling ‘early pregnancy symptoms’ and ‘mid cycle bleeding’

Had a new kitchen and kept a cupboard empty ready for those bottles.

There is just one thing missing….

On Tuesday it was my god sons first birthday! How exciting, I have been looking forward to it for week. He was having a little party…how cute, his first little party.

Anyway, I had been off buying a present, some little bits for the party and was looking forward to it, couldn’t wait for the weekend to go.

I tried to get out of work early but my boss wasn’t having any of it, so there I was counting down the last few minutes so I couldn’t rush off to the party.

I was driving home singing along to the radio all excited looking forward to the fun and games……. How wrong could I have been?

I walked through the door and there was an abundance of mums with their babies and I just stood in shock as it hit be, my heart sunk.

I took a deep breath and told myself that this wasn’t the time of the place and I needed to get a hold of myself, so off I went into the unknown!

I was doing ok, I walked in gave the birthday boy a kiss and a cuddle and left his tearing open his present and I walked off into a quiet corner grabbing my nephew on the way.

I thought to myself, ok it’s not so bad is it!

I had sat in the corner of this room for what felt like a lifetime, but was about 3 minutes and all of a sudden the conversation along with everybody’s faces turned to me…..

When are you going to have a baby? Why aren’t you pregnant yet, what are you waiting for? Isn’t it about time you had a baby now? Shouldn’t you be giving these little monkeys a playmate?

Oh god, I could feel myself going a glowing shade of red, and my mouth began to water which could only mean one thing, I was going to cry!

I was fighting back the tears as the questions were flying at me, but I just couldn’t hold out any longer……

I went out of the nearest door, babbling something to do with dinner being in the over.

I just walked into my house and sat in the dark with only my tears for company, I felt awful.