..but I won't. There's a saying.......IF YOU DON'T HAVE HOPE YOU HAVE NOTHING. So I'm going to try to remain hopeful I get back the body I had a while back! WEIGH 13st 9 this morning up 1 on yesterday. I think I'll blame the forthcoming time of the month because I definately stuck to a firm regime yesterday.
..weight 13st 8 this morning,loss of 2lbs from yesterday. Started today with a detox drink and keep trying to think how miserable I will be when I go away if I don't lose anymore weight. I keep trying to remind myself I'm still a nice person even if I am overweight because even though I don't eqaute other peoples weight problems with being nice, I always think other people will look at me and judge me as a person by how fat or how slim I am. It WILL be a good day today.
I'm 13 st 10 and I feel it too. When I was doing the charity walk for Breast Cancer at the weekend I caught sight of myself in the reflection of a large pane of mirrored glass and was instantly disgusted by the heffer I saw staring back at me. I've turned into what I dreaded at 18, FAIR FAT AND FORTY(one) and I despise myself for it.
So take heart that someone is struggling as well as you are and is about to embark on yet another detox to kickstart a pre-holiday weight loss again.
... a 10k charity walk last night then come home and eat half a packet of chocolate chip cookies, will I never learn and where did my self control go? I can't even weigh myself to see the damage on the scales so today I'm having a frugal day food wise.
I had a SLIMFAST for breakfast and a DECAFF WITH SKIMMED MILK mid-morning and I think it will have to be SLIMFAST for lunch too. Two weeks until I go away and literally nothing but a pair of black elasticated waist pants to wear. I could give in and think "what the heck what's the point" but then I know I'll regret it if I don't watch what I eat. I 've never drank alcohol so that's not a problem calories and diet wise so I 'll just have to exercise ultimate self control and keep going. It's the only way.
"There's someone out there for everyone, you'll meet someone one day..." or the even more pityful version, "...don't give up hope Sandra lots of men would love to have someone like you..." OH YES? WELL WHERE THE BL**DY H*LL ARE ALL THESE MEN THAT ARE FALLING OVER THEMSELVES FOR ME THEN???"
I wasn't well on Friday and had the worst SPLITTING headache I'd had in years and spent the whole evening in darkness, feeling tragically lonely, not even being able to stand the light from the tv. My mobile phone rang with a picture message of a sunset from the balcony of an apartment saying "Wish you were here?" and it was from a chap I knew when we worked abroard in 1990/1.
Over the years we've kept in touch (had flowers on birthday and valentines occasionaly) and although NOTHING ever happened & it was totally platonic(I think), he'll still call or text out of the blue, 18 years later. I thought he was in Bahrain( where we met) so I txt'd him back saying "Don't tell me you're in Bahrain and you went without me?!!!" So he txt'd back "No in Spain....would not go without you".
We'd both love to go back because it was such an amazing time so I've said if I'm successful with my application to Deal or No Deal and I win a substantial amount of money we'll go back to Bahrain, and at the end of the show I'll ask if I can say something to someone down the camera and the code will be, "Pack your bags we're going back!"....and that's all I'm going to say. OF COURSE it will probably never happen but HE txt'd back saying"...the same goes for me"
I cope with this sort of "friendship/relationship" because it's at a distance and I can't be dumped on or someone can't hurt my feelings. I trusted a chap last year and dropped my guard because even I thought I was being Miss Picky 'n' Choosy and exactly what I always predict will happen - happened and the day after we'd spent a week together he dumped me in a one line "...it's not you it's me ..." email. I was a wreck and it took me ages to get over being used. I now REFUSE to be treated like that again and I wish I'd stuck to my 16 year principal of "the next man that wants me to compromise myself can marry me first because if I'm good enough to compromise I'm d*mn well good enough to marry" SO THERE! No one's waiting for me so I just keep myself to myself and spend my evenings losing myself in Bollywood movies! (God that sounds so tragically pathetic).
So if a 41 year old 5"3 blonde hair blue/green eyed slightly mad womanappearson Deal or No Deal and stares down the camera, saying "Pack your bags we're going back!", that will be me!
Write back and let me know how things are going, I'm a really good listening ear, but rubbish at sorting my own life out!
