Description : Let me re-say something about myself, I make this blog just to remember myself of the feeling I have on one boy, there is no binding, not due when it is gonna end, but i would keep writing here about how and how much I feel for him....
I am the first child of the family, big girl with intention to make good and do good for my family.
I love to write as it make me feel better after I could releasing what is inside my brain and my thought and my heart...
It is not new for me to work at night. I think working at night time is good because it is quiet and I could concentrate more!
It does not mean I can't finish my work at day time, but there are a lot of things I want to finish & need to finish. If I see that I can't finish before 5pm or it will take longer time to finish, then I get back to the office!!
However, it is annoying sometimes because the work I get back for is not my responsibility & my job!! But why me?? Because I know there is only a jerk like me who accept to do it, even can do it and I have a good heart & attitude to understand that if I do it, it ends! (to some extend). I never have to waste other's time to re-think & re-check if it should be me to work, I know... its me! Some job is important, some is stupid, but.. at the end all is work which needs to be finished. You may think I am stupid too, well, my friend did tell me about that :) Or you may think I am smart enough to do various job, .. well, think again, I would say, if I can't do it, nobody would throw the whole pile of work on me, right? :) !
People often defense, trying to indicate & make super clear who would take care of the grey area, because it is not black and not white. People sometimes is selfish enough to care only their job & need it finished whether for real it finishes or not, or even brings good outcome or not, just action & finish! Outcome, who care?? Well, ... but I have to accept those caring a bit about outcome, have a good sleep & not tired at all.... this is life, not fair, but this is life!
Again, why me?? Look around and think! Saying "I don't know & make a poor face", it is more than enough to show to the boss that you are not the right one (but after 5pm heading directly to the club for drink & dance ??? unfortunate that this is not me! My weakpoint is that all the time I say "OK, let's try", whether I can do it or not, or whether it is my responsibility or not, I take it !! I know sometimes people take advantage of my dedication, but in fact ... think again...they have never realized how much they depend on me! Too good attitude, huh?? :)
Sometimes I stay up to 10-11pm, nobody cares, but I know! I know what I am doing here & now. At least, one day I could proudly talk to my kids that "intention, dedication, brave, responsibility, honest and good attitude" are what you need to live your life, I did it before , I prove it and it would be a very precious lesson for me to proudly talk about it !! Stupid or not, I know!
My friend says I am too stupid to do what I am doing now... heheh... BUT above all, I have reason & its me who choose to do this, so I accept as it is. One day, it is gonna be my day!! Keep fighting & keep breathing!
I have tried to call you these days and this moring, but still no answer !!
Don' t know if you are OK. Is there any change at your work or what is your next plan and if you are feeling good???
Its easy for you to keep silent & keep everything with you, I call it a good character sometimes. As long as you don't make anybody worry about you, it is still a good qualification.
But for me, I can't help to start worry about you when hearing nothing from you; scare that you gonna forget me, ... life happens!
You don't have to re-arrange yourself because I am worry about you, just want you know I am here... as always!
There are many websites teaching Thai; different styles. However, to speak the language, the key point is that you have to speak every day and using more sense to lead you, not just a book! Keep talking!
I check some websites, some are just too official, and some are just ... hum.. boring. Thai language is not difficult because we don't have complicate tenses, feminine, masculine, .... the only problem is PRONUNCIATION!! So, if you have time, check the website, it is more daily life and speaking language! Need help, let me know :)
"Chan yaak hai khun pood pasathai praw-wa khun chorb puying thai..Oh.. mai chai... Puying Viet-Thai :)
I took leave 2 days, no!.... not my holidays! I attended the funeral ceremony; one of my uncle; young bro of my father, and another one of our neighbor
There are many things come across my life during the past 2 days; 2 passed away on the same date which I and my mum joined both funeral ceremony. Again, I learn how death takes your love one away, how we could cool ourself in such bad situation, seeing & talking to my dad who I used to wish I never meet him again, talking to many cousins & relatives who I used to be & played with when I was young, ....
The house of my uncle is not so far from mine, but we don't have close relationship. I knew long time he got sick and people said that he won't stay long, but I didnt take it serious, till my mum said to me that we should visit him. So we went to see him. I know what my dad did to mum and to us has nothing to do with the relationship or feeling on other brothers sistersor relatives of his, but it does take some courage of mum to visit my uncle... you know from who I learn to be open-minded person :).
At the funeral my dad HAD chance to talk to me & my young bro, I would say! You know he starts to get old, but he is still a snobbish! While i try my best to pay my bills, and take care of my mum, my dad is a kind of spending USD 3000 just like water!! You want to see him?? You could find him at any charity event, or golf competition, ... He told me my toy car is too old & I should change (its just 5 years!!!), I should get serious about my master degree (I took it once in "Marketing", just one semister, I dropped!), I should get a laptop because it is convenient for work & internet (me?? Laptop?? I don't think he knows what I am working), after retirement my dad wants to spend his life in CA/ USA (bye!!) I should try golf, my dad has 5 expensive golf sets where it is not in trend now and he could give me one set !! (golf??, me?? kidding or what???), ......
This is why I always say "Im real" because I know what is a "mask". This is why I always want to learn new things because the more i know, the more I understand that life is different ... which at the end i could find the way to forgive my dad, I hope. I know this is bad, I know sometime i couldn't trust a man because I think always I know them, I know before they open their mouth to say thing, a man?? so?? especially the one with good appearance & personality... NEVER ever come close to me. I don't what to get involved in any "material" & "fake", OK? You may think I am a pessimistic person, to some extend I agree to be like this. I am just a girl, and I can't accept to be hurt all the time, to be pessimistic is to be prepared for all bad thing to happen to me. Well, I am not a negative thought person in fact, but I just know too much sometime!! Anyway, good to see dad, I think we have never seen each other about hum... 3 years!
At another funeral, A lady is our neightbor. It was car accident, the driver and this neighbor passed away, it is sad because nobody prepares for this! I went to the house of my neighbor to pay respect, and there I saw her husband cried like he never cried before!! They stayed together, no children, only husband & wife, but now... only husband, that is why he can't handle the situation. I heard later he even tried to hang himself and drink poison, ... so sad! They are not young couple, they stay together for long time, 20 years perhaps!
Good things happens, bad thing happens, this is life. I have cried many times since I was young, till now. Nobody would see me cry because it is my problem and my private life, and my problem i heal myself !! It might sound like I am so tough, but ... well, you don't know me :)
I see death is more common more and more in each day, I wish I could do many things I want before my day comes ... many many many things .... at least telling P something face to face, just once!
In my country, we often compare a girl to flower. Beautiful girl is as beautiful flower. But instead of only being beautiful, the flower should give good fragrance too. It is like beautiful girl with good heart & manner. eautiful flower sometimes comes with torn, good or not it depends.
Rose is beautiful and gives good fragrance, but with torn... you like it?? Torn is to protect the flower, ... a girl having torn to protect herself. Its great if you can be a beautiful flower with fragrance
Orchid, Dahlia, Marigolds and Violet are beautiful, but no fragrance, right? You like it? A beautiful girl but gives no fragrance, beautiful but having wicked heart, how do you feel about it? Well what about jasmine!.. jasmine is with white color, but sweet fragrance, no torn (but some types have torn)... is it too simple?? Sun flower has no fragrance, but very charming. Have you ever seen the sunflower field, ... very impressive! BUT sunflower alwasy follows the Sun, .. hum... like it??
I don't know if I could choose to be a flower, what flower I want to be. Hum.. I want to be a flower with good fragrance; anybody gets close to me can breathe a fresh and lively fragrance. I don't like any torns; I used to pick the flower and get hurt by its torn, so I don't like it. Well, I want to be any flower; don't have to be beautiful, but must give good fragrance, and has no torn! You may wonder why I don't want torn to protect myself or am I afraid that nobody want to get close to me??? Heheh.. My thoughts and my belief is enough to protect myself, so I need no torn. Scare if nobody would get close to me. ... hhehe... get real, if I need it, I can find somebody!
I don't want torn because it could hurt myself too. I hurt myself many times, and if I can, I don't want to be hurt or get hurt again. I don't want to have torn because, at least for one boy. He got hurt from torn of other flower before, and he is healing himself. I wish one day he could adore flower again...and that time I just hope he turns to me, and he feels safe...
